Good Parents

What makes a good parent?  Is it a parent that simply loves their children?  A parent whose child sleeps soundly all night?  A parent that can get their child to sleep in his or her own crib?  I don't know exactly what makes a good parent. I love all my kids but this blog is about Kaci. We have moved again. A new house, new smells, new everything and again I am having trouble with Kaci in her crib. I'm trying to be patient but I am exhausted. We have been in the house for a little over a month and I have had her crib for a week now. Every night...well. Ok, first, just laying her in the crib doesn't work. She screams her head off, bangs on the rail, and yells mommmmmaaaaaaa. One night I let her cry for 40 minutes and I swear I thought the police were going to show up. I finally went in a got her. Every night I have to pat her back or rub her back for her to go to sleep. That would be fine too if she STAYED asleep.

Let me back track for a second. When we were in the Melia house in Hawaii she had NO problems going to bed. She knew after bath it was bedtime and she would point to her crib, I'd lay her down, and she would go right to sleep. She didn't wake in the middle of the night at all.

Now, I can't do that routine. It doesn't work. I don't understand what is going on with her. I am no child psychologist and the pediatricians all say the same thing: let her cry it out. Well, if you are a parent then you know that or at least understand what that means. It means that you are supposed to put your child in their crib and let them scream and cry and carry on until they finally fall asleep. Well, with Kaci she doesn't just cry. She screams, makes herself gag, and acts like she is going to throw up. Now, if I lay her down and pat her back until she falls asleep then the above doesn't happen. However, if she wakes in the middle of the night and I don't go in within a few minutes once I hear her crying then she...screams my name and bangs on the rail and cries so hard that she makes herself gag. UGH. I am tired. I am frustrated. I love her so much and I don't like seeing her all upset. I don't want to let her cry for 3 hours until she falls asleep. That cannot be good for her. It's not good for me either. It is really stressful to listen to her go through all of that.

I am really hoping that this will pass and she will go back to her "old" routine that she had when we were in Hawaii. I just wonder how long this will take. We could both use a good night's sleep.

So does this mean I am a bad parent? Am I a bad parent because my child hates going to bed? Am I a bad parent because I didn't put her in her crib from the start? (From the start I mean 4 weeks old.) I don't think this MAKES me a bad parent. It means that I probably should have made better choices. If I had to do it all over again and knew then what I know now I would have put her in the crib from the very beginning. I will never know if it really would have made a difference or not. I am doing the best I can. I just wish she was more comfortable. I wish she would get a good night's sleep. I'm trying to be strong. I'm trying not to show or let her feel my frustration. I just want her to sleep in her crib. I will just keep at it and hopefully that will pay off.

I am off to bed. I will probably be up at midnight trying to console her. Goodnight.

Until next time...dream big- dreams DO come true!